Sunday, April 16, 2006

Malia, the Muse

Haha!! This blog has made a difference in the world! (Sort of.) Malia Arguello, the amazing, knitting SM (that's Stage Manager, not Sado-Masochist, though I have no proof that she isn't) has finally updated her blog after long last. (Okay, I sent her and a few others an e-mail to let them know that their blogginess had inspired me to start my own. Yes, deep down, I'm a conformist.) Malia, for those of you poor souls who don't know, is the SM (Stage Manager) at Wayside Theatre. She has a rapier wit, and a dangerous beauty. She looks stunning in black. She probably looks stunning in other colors, but, uh, she usually wears black. Which probably makes mixing and matching her wardrobe easier. So, Malia fans, check out the latest Malia-news at "Malaysia's Musings" --

Good Friday

Yesterday was the anniversary of Lincoln's assassination. Yesterday was also Good Friday -- and guess what? The assassination also occurred on Good Friday (I heard someone say that some people back then were critical of Lincoln when he decided he was going to a theatre instead of to church on G. F.).
Well, during yesterday's performance, I was quite aware of the significance of the date. And, to be honest, I kept feeling as if ol' A.L. himself was watching us from that famous box seat. And I kept feeling like he was really enjoying the show. Well, Abe, just so you know, that made me feel pretty good.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Watch It Wiggle . . .

Heh. One of these days, I'll have to explain the Tofu Dance. (Check out the comments from the previous entry. Those of you who know me from Wayside Theatre will understand.)

Today we had a 4-hour understudy rehearsal (before the evening show). The first two hours was dance, and thanks to Noah, the dance captain, for his patience. The next two hours was also fairly physical. That, plus the evening show, plus not quite enough sleep, plus a good workout the day before . . . and I'm tired.

But here's some important info that must be passed along before I collapse: apparently there's a mathematical formula to evaluate the quality of a female bottom. According to David Holmes, a psychology lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan U., "The perfect female derriere has firmness to the touch and a resilience that prevents undue wobble or bounce, yet looks soft with flawless skin," and, ' "Slender thighs and a hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7 will frame the perfect bum, well perfectly." ' This article is a must-read for those with and/or interested in the female posterior:
[Note: the weblink for this has been removed because it was messing up my blogpage.]
Unfortunately, for those with and/or interested in the male posterior, you're out of luck. And that's a shame, because Jen thinks I'd score well.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Examining the Brain

Well, this is called Peter's Brain, isn't it? So I felt it would be proper to share the following tidbit with you.

I recently received the following e-mail from my older brother:
My six year-old son Ethan just said to my three-year-old son something full of extraordinary profundity and gravitas: '…then you go to high school, and then you’re a man. Then you’re an old man. And then… you die.' My next thought was, 'Damn. I’m already two out of four. Maybe three out of four….'
This is my response:
Wait, wait! I think you're safe. We just need to dig into the true meaning of these words. Okay:
1) "…then you go to high school"
2) "and then you’re a man"
3) "Then you’re an old man"
4) "And then… you die"
The key here is #2. At first I was thinking, Well, by 'a man,' Ethan probably means 'a male grown up,' a statement of mentality rather than physicality. 'Male grown ups' are easily identified in society by their lack of toys. These men often pursue such careers as accountants, politicians, and TV evangelists. When they become 'old men', i.e., 'old grown ups,' they start telling stories about 'when I was your age I had to walk 47 miles uphill both ways in the pouring rain and snow to get to school' -- and they believe these stories to be true (as opposed those who tell these stories for the sake of personal amusement, making the younger ones roll their eyes while they wish you'd shut up so they can borrow the car. These are not 'old grown ups,' but they occasionally like pretending to be one, cuz it's funny).
But then I thought I should check the dictionary for the word 'man.' Knowing that the dictionary is put together by lunatics and communist pinkos, I skipped definition number 1. Definition number 2a says a 'man' is "a feudal tenant: VASSAL." Realizing that Ethan is extremely intelligent (due to the quality of his parentage), I knew that this was probably what Ethan really meant.
Either way, Phil, I think you're safe, and have a good chance of living forever, or nearly so.
Logically yours,
By the way, if you still wonder about my brain, I suspect that on closer examination you would find that it looks and feels like wrinkley tofu. But now I'm just guessing.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Gobble, gobble.

Today we had a 12 pm matinee and a 7:30 evening show. 12pm matinees are for school groups, and this is the second one of those we've had thus far. And so far, both 12pm matinees have been preceded by me walking the hallways, waving my hands above my head and saying, "Screaming teenagers, woohoo!" Because that's what they do whenever guns are fired, and during curtain call. Actually, I've rather enjoyed it. They've been good audiences.

By the way, Shenandoah has been extended to May 21, though Scott B. will be leaving after April 30. Brian Sutherland will be taking his place for the remainer of the run (he's a good guy, and I heard a rumor he was in the original production of Cats). AND -- we got a good review in Variety magazine.

Meanwhile . . . here's proof that things can get better in the world, to wit:

1) Charles "Find My Picture In The Dictionary Next To The Word Corrupt" Taylor is in prison and will be tried for crimes against humanity. And why not? I think he's earned it.

2) Tom "Oh, Hammers Can Be Used To Build Things? Who Knew?!" Delay is resigning his seat -- uh, because polls have shown he has only a 50-50 chance of retaining his seat in the next election? I thought he liked a good fight. I think there's more to this than that claim. We shall see.

3) A new dinosaur has been discovered in Utah: Hagryphus giganteus, which means "giant four-footed, bird-like god of the western desert.” It is believed to stand about 7 ft. tall, and it supposedly looks like a giant turkey. I don't know why, but it seems to me that Utah is the perfect place to find a 7 ft. tall, prehistoric turkey. Happy Thanksgiving.