Examining the Brain

Well, this is called Peter's Brain, isn't it? So I felt it would be proper to share the following tidbit with you.

I recently received the following e-mail from my older brother:

My six year-old son Ethan just said to my three-year-old son something full of extraordinary profundity and gravitas: '…then you go to high school, and then you’re a man. Then you’re an old man. And then… you die.' My next thought was, 'Damn. I’m already two out of four. Maybe three out of four….'
Phil

This is my response:

Wait, wait! I think you're safe. We just need to dig into the true meaning of these words. Okay:
1) "…then you go to high school"
2) "and then you’re a man"
3) "Then you’re an old man"
4) "And then… you die"
The key here is #2. At first I was thinking, Well, by 'a man,' Ethan probably means 'a male grown up,' a statement of mentality rather than physicality. 'Male grown ups' are easily identified in society by their lack of toys. These men often pursue such careers as accountants, politicians, and TV evangelists. When they become 'old men', i.e., 'old grown ups,' they start telling stories about 'when I was your age I had to walk 47 miles uphill both ways in the pouring rain and snow to get to school' -- and they believe these stories to be true (as opposed those who tell these stories for the sake of personal amusement, making the younger ones roll their eyes while they wish you'd shut up so they can borrow the car. These are not 'old grown ups,' but they occasionally like pretending to be one, cuz it's funny).
But then I thought I should check the dictionary for the word 'man.' Knowing that the dictionary is put together by lunatics and communist pinkos, I skipped definition number 1. Definition number 2a says a 'man' is "a feudal tenant: VASSAL." Realizing that Ethan is extremely intelligent (due to the quality of his parentage), I knew that this was probably what Ethan really meant.
Either way, Phil, I think you're safe, and have a good chance of living forever, or nearly so.
Logically yours,
peter

By the way, if you still wonder about my brain, I suspect that on closer examination you would find that it looks and feels like wrinkley tofu. But now I'm just guessing.